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MESSMy heart is aching, breaking inside,
The pain I feel I can no longer hide,
You push the fact and I tell you how I feel,
And now I'll know if this was truly real,
Maybe you will understand this time,
why there are things I choose to hide,
I tried to explain as nicely as I could,
Praying you'd get it, but you never would,
So here it is plain and simple as can be,
The pain others has caused still echos inside me.
It comes and goes at the most inconvenient time,
I was worried if I told, you might loose your mind.
The things that bring your smile,
are things that sometimes bring me tears,
I have tried to make it stop but,
It hasn't worked, trying all these years,
I wish it were easy that no one broke me for good,
It would be easier for you and me if you understood.
Do you wish to have me? To have to clean my messy soul?
If you don't you wouldn't be the first, this you already know
I reel with pain you did not cause,
my burden should not be yours,
It isn't right to ask of you,
To heal this p
You Love Me?You tell me that you love me,
Do you know what that means,
I'm worried you don't understand
The feelings that this brings,
How do I know if you mean
The same thing that I do,
When I tell you that I love you,
It doesn't just mean I'll be true,
It means that I'll be by your side,
Though storms will come and go,
And that there is a place for you,
My heart will always know,
It means that we're connected,
Both in my heart and soul,
And that I am committed,
Wherever you go I'll follow,
This is a place where few may tread,
The way you've been invited,
The only way to end my love,
Is you wish we were departed,
I do not wish to frighten you,
I hope you understand,
I need to make sure you know the truth,
And that this is who I am,
I accept you for all you are,
Even those things I do not know,
It's not your past I'm in love with,
And I hope this love can grow,
If you don't feel the same way,
I can truly understand,
If you need time I've got that,
And I'll give you all I have,
I just want to be cl
DEPRESSIONIs there a reason why
Depression creeps up
I wish I could find
a way to make it stop
I love you and you know it
these feelings play tricks
they cloud your mind
with doubt I find
even of the things you know
No one deserves to be happier than you
So why is this what you must go through?
I feel your pain, I've been there as well
how can you break the chains
to bring back the happiness again?
You are not alone
You are loved by so many
but we cannot seem to find you in your dark cloud
In your depression you hide and we cannot pull you out
But then there it is, that glimmer of you
don't let this deceit pull you back into
When I look into your eyes,
I get lost and realize,
This is where I want to be,
Your eyes are like the stars I see,
Your touch melts me into you,
There's no thing I'd rather do,
With me dear,
Hold me near,
Melt my fear,
The butterflies fly and then collide,
I feel happiness like bubbles inside,
Your words come and take me away,
They make me feel this is a better day,
I don't want to leave,
Hold close to me,
And say to me,
This is where you'd rather be,
Close your eyes,
read my mind,
Brush my hair aside,
Kiss me another time.
Please, I'm SorryI pulled away,
I pushed today,
This was not planned,
Look into my eyes,
The pain's too much to bear,
If you choose not to care,
I did not mean to,
Make you go through,
All of this,
Just for us to split,
Can't you see?
Just listen to me,
Or we will never have,
what was meant to really last.
AngryWhy must we fight?
Why not let it go?
With every word I speak
anger flows from your mouth
The words I use are not hateful
they do not even hurt
that's not the purpose of words
that's not the purpose of actions
so why must you always act like this?
we don't need anger here,
why do you feed it every day
in every way with your mood
with your motions your anger flows
please just let it go
there is no reason for this
why are you so angry and hateful?
Where does this spite come from?
Why make thinks worse in all that you do
when you could improve every place you go?
You used to be a person who always had a smile,
but through the years you've changed
you've made bad decisions,
but why take them out on me
is it really that you want what I have
then work for it happily knowing it can change
but don't use me as your whipping post
and don't shoot your angry words my way
I truly wish the best for you
why do you refuse to see that?
What I SeeWhat I See
When I see dusk, I think of you,
All the happiness of color bursting through,
The way your love makes my heart overflow,
With wonders I thought I would never know,
The stars remind me of the sparkle in your eyes,
The brown in them like the dark night-time skies,
The gentle breeze that cools the summer,
Reminds how you touch my face like no other,
The warmth of the sun; the comfort of your embrace,
When I'm with you I feel safer than in anyplace,
The waterfall calms like the small rumble in your voice,
You make my heart sing like the birds rejoice,
Your height and strength; stability like a tree,
The empty fields; of life before you found me,
The lightning in a storm like the passion with which you please,
Intense and focused on, all the things that weaken my knees,
The thing that really gets me, is the way your lips caress mine,
It almost seems as if these moments could actually stop time,
When I look I find reminders, all over this big world,
Of all the things I love of you
As I lay here I realize my fears and that they are taking place right in front of me. As it is you have no time for me. Your time is occupied. You will have no time to miss me, therefore no desire to see me. I already have to fight to sit near you, at home, in the car, I fear this is only the beginning. Then comes bill problems, and no gas to see each other, you won't want to deal with the stress. I will cry myself to sleep, lonely and depressed. This is soon to be my future. I miss you even now, I don't think you will ever miss me. Time will realize my nightmare, my fears, will you make them subside? Will you be thereto melt them away? Time will tell. As it is, it seems every time I see you, you are angry. I've made you upset again because my words have been twisted.
I miss youWhere have you been sweet lady? I have so much to tell you! Things are finally turning around and I want to share it! I wish to give you a piece of my happiness, for surely it will lighten your load. The words you speak pierce my heart and sew it back together. You help to give me strength to get through another obstacle. Your encouraging words are a beacon of light to which I am drawn, and I feel lost at not having heard from you. Please know that I treasure you. Come back soon!
Take me awaySingle tear rolls down
Don't pity me in my despair
Wishing to have someone to relate
Feeling always alone no matter where I am
He has his dark secrets and I will let him have them
Why do I?
Not a clue in my crazed brain
My self esteem somewhere buried in a tomb
Never can I find it
Insecurities always following me
Is it my childhood or my past relationships
I just want someone to care about all the stupid shit I say
I just can't seem to keep old ghosts out of my heart
Thinking its my fault
Does time heal wounds seems not in my world
Tracks of these tears seem to be relentless
My body tired but feelings of love towards others strong
I will have to suffix for now on the love of them
He will have to wait
If my heart gets damaged so let it be ...its already damaged goods...
ZenHow I fall from this cliff
Enjoying the descent of the insane
Willing to keep going on everyday
I rise with one thought and never seem to end the day
Always mind racing to figure out where I went wrong
Journey's old these days
Fearing things have gone stale
I just keep thinking how will this year end
How do we find our soul
I escape in my books I read
Finding solace in fake loves and lives
Journeying to the other worlds I find my oceans
Escaping into my music I see my mind calming
Relaxed now I find myself
Find meFairytale that is what I found myself believing
How much of a fool could I be
Learning all feigns are the same
Taking me in showing love unguarded
Or so I thought
Nothing but a lies and deceit is what he fed me
How trivial we think things are when time is quiet
Things are at peace so we think
Till we find that under the mask is a beast
Never will I find what escapes my grip
Always picking up my heart forever tortured
Can life be so complicated in a short breath
Do you even care what I go through
OH yeah you answered that you don't
So now what have I become that woman struggling to hold on
Fighting for what...love .. is there such a thing
Books have lost their capture
Music a theater to my bleeding heart
Smile for me though pity would end it all
My tear tracks are never ending right now
Maybe there is hope ....but right now there is darkness circling my soul
Storm brewingSurrender to me all your knowledge
Lead me away from anger
Find me in my world of lost souls
Can I never be free of this monster
Reality is only in my world
How do you put up and never leave
Words are not piercing yet from his lips
Though he doesn't know how much I know
How the room burns with knowledge
Kisses are no longer sweet
Words of endearment are losing their happiness
Destroying all we created
Collapsed there on the floor
Only words left in my mind of deceit...loss...anger
ContainedMany times I like to be bright, even in the colorless snow.
It is welcoming,
With no fear of embarrassing or judgement.
But lately I have been trapped to do as you say.
I feel like a puppet on strings,
Buried, in a grave not meant for my shape.
I want to break free again, but I do not want you to hurt me.
Being captive of my own abilities, I'm not a demonstration.
I'm scared like of what fire does to plastic.
Love is keeping me trapped.
All is better when you force me to obey.
All is regretted when I walk away.
I am a contained flower surviving in a dead temperature.
Trying breath the air I have no money to pay for.
Accepting that this is what love has all to offer.
SpiritWhy do we feel broken at times
Weak with fever for what we don't guard
Can you be so torn apart that you can't reassemble
Falling backwards can you escape into oblivion
Is this torture or sweet release
Finding a need to be saved
Used and abused these demons surround whats left
Shattered blindness left behind now
Fading away reaching for a hand to grip tightly
Now broken pieces lay shattered on the floor
What to do now...
How do you piece back together a chaotic person
Deep within needs escaping
To fall away from life is to escape into raptures yet to find
Who will save a lost spirit....
All the while I stood
on my own two feet
ignored the acid in my mind
the gear that shattered
the wail of death that echoed.
Today I feel I stand no longer
all stomped on
as crystal flasks
from the ground
I wish relief
this night brings.
I dearly long
for the day.
to just wash away
it seems so,
it just so happens --
The sun shines
I feel the same,
as dry as bone
as the wind
Despair has left
but by its nature
sucked the blood,
from all existence
part of me.
My own heart beat
Screaming in my ears
As the cold metal is pushed against my skull
The only sound in the room
Are the tiny gasp's
Escaping my lips
I look around
Few tears springing to my eyes
But I ignore them
I have to be brave
This is what I want
My escape, Ill finally be free
I glance around once more
At the last people ill ever see
Tears streaming down the silent faces
Of those who care
I whisper softly " I'm sorry"
And I pull the trigger
I don't think I ever hit the floor
The room was completely still
My small gasps are no longer occupying the silence
My heart no longer racing
It has come to a halt.
He is..He is the reason i have anxiety attacks
He is the reason i barely am able to deal with my depression
He is the reason i have anger issues
He is the reason i hate this family
He is the reason i grew up mentally abused
He is the reason that my mind is falling apart
He blames me.
He calls me the "asshole"
He is my Father
But not my dad.
Too LateToo Late
Feelings just pour out of me
until i can no longer see
anything but the words on the page
words of love written down as if in rage
feelings locked inside too long
keep overflowing as if in song
The gates are flooded
there is no more room
can't ignore how i'm feeling
my pen is like zoom
shouldn't i be cautious
too late for that
if only i can write them down
then will i find my path
i am so tired from emotions overcome
i've tried so hard but it can't be undone
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More